Making the New Year Great!

As I embrace a new day of a new year, I have a quite moment to reflect on the past year's events and happenings and all the emotions that went with it. I am reminded how precious life is, how valuable friendship is, and that even in the worst of times joy can be found. I am thankful for all the events that shaped last year and hope to treasure the memories as I take them into the new year.

I don't do new year resolutions but I believe making a conscious effort at any time to do or improve upon something positive in your life can only improve your outlook on life and hopefully infect those around you. I hope to focus on the positive more.

With that said, I am thrilled to be able to carry another little one for a great family. Hopefully delivery of this little one this year will bring added joy to the family. I am almost 15 weeks along now and feeling pretty good. I have been very fortunate again that I have had very little nausea and my energy level is returning! I can now stay up a little longer than my kids can which is a huge success. No clue yet as to what I am carrying but at my last OB appointment there was a strong heartbeat. I have not been able to feel any consistent little wiggles yet. There was one time a few weeks ago I felt a giant wiggle but nothing has happened since. I am excited for the ultrasound in a few weeks to see how this little one is developing and possibly find out what I am carrying. Keep you all posted as I know more...

I hope you all have a wonderful new year filled with many opportunities for happiness!

Surrogacy: Setting the Record Straight

26 days since transfer:

I love our small town community. In times of tragedy there can be great support and great strength among neighbors. It definitely has benefits, however a small town is also good for rumors! In a town where everybody knows everyone's business or think they "know", I am here to tell you that everyone's information is always just a little off. I am so grateful to my close friends who have not shunned me for my decision to become a surrogate as well as a repeat surrogate. You know who you all are! But I find it almost comical that information is filtering back to me about the circumstances surrounding the first journey. So I am here to clear the air and set the record straight.

• No, I did not give birth to twins! Two embryos were transferred in 2013(after two failed attempts) and only one embryo took. She was born healthy in 2014 and is so adorable.
• No, I am not a surrogate for a gay couple. While there are gay couples out there who want a family just as much as any other family, this family unit is very special. There is a daddy and a mommy. But does it really matter WHO the parents are? There are two people who love these little ones with all their hearts! When someone wants to love kids, their marriage/gender status becomes irrelevant. Please respect their privacy and know that I would not go down this road if I didn't feel that the family unit that I am dealing with wasn't sound.
• No, I did not get paid several hundred thousand dollars for the first journey let along a second. While the process of IVF is costly and very scientifically involved, think about it people...would I really still be living in our little broken run down home if I had been paid several hundred thousand dollars???

These are just a few of the rumors swirling around me. As the rumors fly, I am currently fighting against loosing this little embryo. My focus switched yesterday as I started to bleed. In any pregnancy, this is generally not a good sign. The cause was unknown, but very scary! I wracked my brain trying to determine if there was a food I ate or activity I participated in that could have contributed in some way to the cause of the bleed. I am carrying a child for someone else and take this event in life very seriously. After bed rest yesterday and again today, things seem to be on the up side. Blood tests revealed today that the pregnancy is still viable and the bleed was just an unexplained very scary thing that happened. I find myself thinking how irrelevant the rumors are and how important this little life is. I encourage anyone who has questions to ask me as I am happy to share my experience. Thank you to all of my friends for your fabulous support and words of encouragement! You are a big part of this journey too and help to keep my strong!

A Little Surprise!

Hello Friends!


I have something fun to share that has been in the works for quite a lot of months now! As many of you know, Little Miss Wiggles was born in September of 2014. What a treasured chapter in life. I thought my experience as a gestational surrogate had come to an end but something was stirring inside me. It was "that feeling" like I was not done and had to do another journey. But for who and could I get my husband on board...a second time?


Now listen, I am one lucky gal because I have an amazing husband!!! I know I probably push the envelope with him with all my whim's and fancy's but through it all he keeps me grounded and keeps life real. So when I proposed the idea of another journey he said very quickly, no. But most who know me, know that I am not one who takes that word well so we discussed it for quite a few months. The coordinator who facilitated the match the first time kept checking in with me to see if my husband was on board yet. Finally, my amazing husband came around to the idea and we both agreed that it would be just this one last time! We made the call to say yes and begin the matching process again.


Now call it fate or whatever you believe in, but the day we called the coordinator to say yes, she called back to say that the family I was a gestational surrogate for had just inquired about looking for another surrogate too! I was over the moon excited that this could even be a possible match. I love everything about this family unit and to know that I could have the potential to carry for them AGAIN, I was jumping up and down!!!

Fast forward quite a few months, because planning plays a major roll in surrogacy, and I am excited to share with you that today I got results that confirm I AM PREGNANT, AGAIN! I look forward to getting to know this little one's personality and finding a new name to refer to him or her. Right now I am so happy and honored to help grow this new little one for an amazing family!

Life's Little Blessings

Well today should have been baby's due date but as most of you know she made her entrance a little sooner. Last Monday morning I woke shortly before 5am only to realize that my water had ruptured. It was go time...sort of. We notified the family to allow time for them to travel but my contractions didn't start immediately. The hubbs had been on a night schedule and I woke him when my water broke because I thought things would progress but after a some time with no progression we figured it best if he went back to sleep so he would be prepared to support me during labor. We managed to get the kids off to school and then we waited some more. Still no contractions. We tried to stay busy by packing our bags, moving about the house, and finally decided to run a couple errands and walk...and walk...and walk. We kept in contact with the doctor's office and determined that we should probably head to the hospital around 2pm. I was monitored for about an hour where we walked some more. I was finally admitted but labor had still not started. Waiting for something to happen is not my style but all good things come to those who wait.

Around 5:30pm it was decided that Pitocin should be started as there were no real contractions. I was so fearful of the dreaded "P" word. I have read enough to know of the possible snowball effect that can happen when Pitocin is introduced but I could see the need so I braced for a wild ride. We had some great nurses through the three shifts we were there. One was not so great but Ola was amazing and helped me stick to my mobility birth plan as much as possible. She had me slow dancing with my husband to rock the baby out and chair rocking to move in alternate directions. As the Pitocin reared it's ugly head we did our best to breath and rock and dance through contractions.

Wanting to escape the birth process without the need for an epidural I opted to try a dose of Stadol. First dose was given around 11:30 pm, I was at 3cm dilated. The hubbs said it was funny watching me interact with people in the room. I vaguely remember this next part but he had to fill in quite a bit of details for me. I received a second dose at 12:30 but was given a double dose which made me "pass out" for the next 5 plus hours. The only thing I remember is rocking and needing to stop as it was causing motion sickness. Also, at several points I remember waking up gasping for air because I had "forgotten to breath". All this was very upsetting to the hubbs who was by my side every step of the way. Contractions slowed, I was not able to focus through contractions, and was completely unaware of the time that was passing. The hubbs was getting frustrated that the nurse gave me the double dose but later found out that up until the second dose, baby had been tolerating Pitocin well but her heart had started to show signs of distress thus the reason to slow things way down counteracting the effectiveness of Pitocin and causing me to pass out for a few hours.

By 5:30/6:30am on Tuesday I had only progressed to 4cm dilated and the contractions were coming with the intensity I felt with my son's active labor when I had reached 7/8cm dilated. I knew at this point I had lost the battle with Pitocin and opted for an epidural. There was no way I could have endured that level of pain and continue to progress so slowly. Epidurals are amazing and serve a purpose but now I was now bed bound. At least I was able to get a few hours sleep. The hubbs still had not gotten any sleep and took the opportunity to run home and prep kids for school.

The rest of the day was spent sleeping and dilating. If memory serves around 3pm I started to gain some feeling on my right side. While rolling from side to side to get comfortable I snapped my epidural line. There was an attempt to fix it with no luck. While trying to decide if there was time for a spinal it was determined that I was fully dilated and pushing commenced. It's not really that bad that there was not time for the spinal as I was able feel to push with each contraction.

Little Miss was born around 4:10 pm on Tuesday. The room was electric with excitement. She was tiny but healthy and beautiful! The rest of the day was spent recovering and Little Miss finally got to meet her family. It was a moment I will always cherish.

I was able to find strength to go through this entire journey with my husband by my side every step of the way. I have been so blessed by him. On Wednesday we said our goodbyes to the family. It was not until the hubbs and I walked arm in arm out the hospital doors did tears start to flow from my eyes. The tears were full of so much emotion. The magnitude of the journey was overwhelming and hit hard. The hubbs and I have found ourselves looking at each other and feeling very lost. Like, what now? We don't feel like we've lost a child as she never felt like ours but she was a part of our family and will always have a special place in our family heart. My husband is experiencing more emotion than either one of us expected. He is such a protector over our family unit and as Little Miss was a part of our family for this little while, he felt very protective over her too. Now that she is with her family it's hard for him to let go as is for me too. Likewise I've spent some time working through teary moments as I've reflected on how amazing this experience has been. We continue to talk to each other about what we are feeling and know that the intensity of the emotion will lessen with time.

We will forever hold on to the memories of the sweet, beautiful little girl who shared the first part of her growing life with us. We feel privileged to have been able to experience this journey. May Little Miss Wiggles be blessed in all that she does in life and we will continue to pray God's love and grace over her.

A big thank you to the nurses Toni, Ola, and Windy as well as Dr Holst for providing such excellent care. It is greatly appreciated. And thank you to all my family and friends for the endless love and support and encouragement I've felt from you as you have followed me along this journey.

Photos courtesy of Living Shasta Photography
Thank you for working with me on such short notice!

38 Weeks Down...2 Weeks Left

Well, here we are in the final stages! Another week completed and one week closer to Little Miss meeting her excited family. She certainly is dong her part to help prepare for the transition into this world. A few days ago I woke up and as I got out of bed I realized she had made herself at home in my BACK...my low-low back. I think this counts a some form of "dropping" that women refer to. And those wonderful Braxton Hicks are quite the reminder that hey, something could happen but isn't happening right now, but until then they will continue to take my breath away and keep me alert to the possibilities.

Sleep is so precious to me right now. I feel like I want to hibernate for the next two weeks. Unfortunately when I do get to partake in some form of sweet slumber, it's not always so sweet. There are those lovely three point rollovers with a bazillion pillows to readjust. And lets not even talk about the number of trips to visit the WC. I'm holding out hope that the numb fingers will regain feeling in them sometime soon after she's born too. I know all these discomforts are only temporary and working for a purpose to grow a healthy little girl. It may sound like a lot of complaining but it really is amazing all the changes that a women's body goes through to bring life into this world...and it's all worth it.

I love that there are no new stretch marks with two weeks left. I think Little Miss fits nicely into the ones from my first pregnancy. And I'm holding tight at 20/21 pound weight gain. Although that doctors office scale is still at odds with my scale at home. While doing aqua aerobics, I'm pretty sure she is doing the same. It really makes me chuckle how she moves when I'm in the water. This whole pregnancy she has been stretching her legs on my left side while sticking her back and rear out on my right. Well, just the other day she decided to switch things up. Now she's pushing those legs out on my right side.

I really am trying to enjoy the last few weeks I have with her and hoping that she is healthy when she comes into this world. I think the next few weeks are really going to fly by though because our family will be focusing on football and soccer practices and coordinating games, but whenever she decides to make her big debut we'll be ready!

What?!...Three Weeks Left?

Well, how did that happen so fast? It is so hard to believe that there are only three weeks left till my due date. With a slight change in the weather, new sports activities with the kids, and preparing for back to school, it feels like this pregnancy should still have more time left before Little Miss makes her debut.

Little Miss really has been great. She is measuring on track and sure does like to move. Not many kicks or jabs though. She still loves to roll and stretch and that is what really takes my breath away. While she is finally head down she still loves to nestle in my left hip and straighten legs and but across my belly and it takes me by surprise.

Signs that my body is preparing for labor? Well, there's those pesky Braxton Hicks contractions. I've had them for quite a few weeks now but they have certainly been intensifying lately. Also, a few days ago I woke up and I swear the top of my belly could be sucked in...and that hasn't happened in quite a few months. Not to mention the accompanied pressure in my low, low back. I'm thinking Little Miss has started to "drop". Then there's the pregnancy insomnia. It's so bizarre how routine it is. Every night at 11:35pm, 3:00am, and then up at 6am for the day...assuming I fell back to sleep at 3. And lastly the numb fingers. The doctor says due to hand swelling it's putting pressure on my wrists causing carpel tunnel issues. It should go away once delivery happens though so it's only a temporary discomfort.

It's all so exciting and saddening at the same time. Realizing that this journey is about to end for me is bittersweet. I didn't think I would be so emotional about the end process. I have loved every minute of this experience and will be sad when my journey with this little one comes to an end, however I'm super excited for her to begin a new journey with her family. She is going to be one blessed little girl.
 

8 Weeks Left...But Who's Counting?!

As I sit here this afternoon enjoying a bowl of cut up apples and yogurt, I think how amazing the cooler temperature feels. Especially with the breeze! It's heavenly. I'll take more days like this for sure! Summer is in full swing with all the activities going on. One child is off to camp and the other one will soon follow. Both are finishing up baseball with the Jr Giants. Before I know it school will be in full swing again.

Today I thought I would answer a few questions that seem to be coming up frequently related to pregnancy, health, and surrogacy.

How am I feeling?
Amazing! Sure, there are a few aches and pains but nothing I can't tolerate. I truly have been blessed this pregnancy.

How much weight have you gained?
Yep, been asked a few times. Really it's not that bad. At 32 weeks I'm only up 14 pounds but the doctor's office has been consistently 2 pounds heavier. It's the great scale controversy. I suppose if I have to take the extra two pounds it's still not that bad.

Have you had any major cravings?
Nothing requiring a midnight run to a special store for food. I just know what foods taste best. Lots of fresh food. Honestly it's what makes me feel the best. Watermelon and Chipotle are so delish! No, not together, gross. I do miss my coffee. I'm finally able to have a cup every now and again but it still doesn't taste great. Let me preface this with I am NOT a beer drinker. Can't stand the taste however the hubby drinks it and let me tell you that every time he poured one, the smell of it was soooo appealing! Thankfully the allure has passed.

Does the baby kick a lot?
Yes but she seems to wiggle more. The movement comes in a couple three movements at a time and then she stops. It's almost like she just needs to get comfortable and moves accordingly. I've had very few nights of her keeping me up.

Do you know what you are having?
Yes, it's a girl but I quickly follow it up with, but it's not my baby. {Insert-I'm a surrogate}It usually takes a moment to register with people but they are usually very receptive to the concept. I try to let people know immediately that she is not mine because I work with the public and I don't want to mislead them in any way.

Is it your egg?
No, I am just the extreme babysitter. The embryo was created and placed inside my uterus. I have no biological relation to this little person. I believe that is what has allowed me not to get attached to her.

Are the parents excited?
Yes, the family is thrilled that they will have a new addition soon.

Will the mom and dad be there when you deliver?
Of course the family will be there. After all this is their child.

Are they excited?
Um, I'm pretty sure they are! Who wouldn't be excited for a new addition to the family? I'm excited for them too. I can wait for them to meet their little one.

How does your family feel about it?
My husband has been very supportive through it all. He knows this is something I've wanted to do for a very long time. My children are full of questions and love watching my belly grow. I don't think I would do this without their support.

Would you be a surrogate again if given the chance?
This is one I've contemplated a lot recently. As I don't yet know the full outcome of this pregnancy experience I cant make a solid decision. So far this is my answer: Yes and no. I've been very blessed throughout this whole process. Working with this family has been amazing. I don't know that I would be so lucky again. What if it didn't work out as well with another family? I love being pregnant and I have enjoyed every moment of this journey but even it I did decide to go through with this again I don't know that I could get the husband on board. He has been very supportive but there is a certain level of sacrifice to one's normal life routine. Also, he has a really hard time seeing me in any kind of pain or discomfort especially anything that he cant help with. I don't know that I could put him through that again. For now I am embracing every minute of the journey and know that this will forever be a part of my life I will not soon forget.