HOPE

Hope: I trust you all had a pleasant Memorial Day weekend! A big thank you to the men and women who have fought and fight for my freedom. I am very blessed to have freedom in this country.

Our little family had an amazing time with friends and family over the past several days. It started with a few fast hours together with my best friend in the whole wide world. I hadn't seen her in about 7 years. We only had a few hours together to catch up (sooo not long enough) but it was wonderful to see her! Then we drove to visit family. We haven't been out of town to visit them in over a year and a half. It was a wonderfully laid back weekend. I haven't had one of those in so long that I cant even remember the last time. Weather, food, and family could not have been more perfect. It was hard to say goodbye.

*Side note...Recently a friend of mine announced she had recently suffered a miscarriage. My heart was broken for her. I know they have been trying to conceive for many years now and this is not the first loss they have suffered. They would be the best parents ever, this I know. Then, while visiting family this past weekend I found out that a family member had also suffered miscarriage, her fourth. They have two children already but are wonderful parents and I feel they too have so much to offer to more children. So much sadness for them.

What I really feel is guilt. I have been blessed with two beautiful children. How is it that I have these two blessings and these other couples have known loss? I too suffered a miscarriage but it was between the two successful pregnancies. My husband and I were not really trying and didn't plan according to proper fertility cycles so when I miscarried it was due to improper implantation. Basically it didn't attach to my uterus very well during the right part of my cycle. I didn't go much more than eight weeks pregnant. I do know what these women have been through emotionally!

Over the past couple three years this issue of infertility amongst friends and family has been weighing heavy on my heart. I have wanted to do so much but have not known where to start or how to help. I had a conversation many years back with my friend and offered to carry her baby if I could. The thought shocked me as the words came out of my mouth. Would I really do that? It was more taboo several years ago but the thought has stayed with me.

About two years ago I started looking into surrogacy more seriously as a reality. Since being a surrogate for my friends/family hasn't been a feasible option, I've thought about pursuing this option outside my known circle of friends and family. With media influences such as Giuliana and Bill Rancic, Sara Jessica Parker, and Nicole Kidman just to name a few...the idea of surrogacy has been gaining a more positive view. I started researching the entire process of surrogacy. I've been very fortunate to have found a reputable nurse attorney who matches gestational carriers(GC) with intended parents(IP). Jackie Gorton nurse attorney has been an amazing guide through this process I've begun to enter into. Yes, I'm now in the process of becoming a surrogate! So exciting!

This has been an amazing journey of self discovery. I've become more healthy by loosing weight, eating right, and exercising. That part alone has been an empowering process. Since last October I've lost 43 pounds. Yeay me! Even if surrogacy doesn't ever happen, in the end I've discovered a new strength within. The lessons learned along the journey have been tremendous and am so content to discover who I am within.

Why surrogacy? Well, I still feel like I have the ability and desire to carry a pregnancy and thought that through this process I would be able to honor my friend and family member. I don't know how else to help them and sometimes feel that distance or silence is the only way not to remind them of their loss. I'm just not good with words directly. I always feel like I might say the wrong thing. If I am able to bring awareness to infertility through this process then maybe more people will be supportive and sensitive to those with the desire to care for children who are unable to conceive. I'm  sharing my journey with those who may be interested in this process and to give hope to those unable to carry their own child. Know that there are those of us out there who would be willing to carry a child for you.

...what's next? Stay tuned to find out!

Ambition

Ambition:

That's what my first post is all about. Ambition to achieve the goals from within. I've always been one to go after what I want but until recently, I've tended to put my wants aside to tend to my family, job, and the business of life. I had stopped for just a moment to take a breath one day and realized there are things I want to do to start setting a better example for my children. To show them that anything is possible and that they are much stronger than they think they are. How better to do that than to lead by example.

Last year I was pretty overweight. I've been on a journey to loose weight (for reasons I'll share in upcoming posts) and become more healthy. Since last October I've lost a grand total of 43 pounds. Yeay me! It's been hard work but I've learned to eat better, exercise more, and found confidence in who I am. With all the change I still felt like there was more in me to tap into.

I decided a few weeks back to start running. I hate running! What was I thinking? But I must admit that as I started (with my husband by my side) I kinda got hooked. I'm a pretty competitive person who is married to a competitive natured husband...I couldn't not run in front of him! My hubby is very athletic and far surpasses me in strength and endurance. He's my inspiration. As I made him run with me to keep me motivated, he began telling me how proud he was of me. Now, I know he loves me and would do anything for me, but it's always wonderful to have your spouse encourage and remind you verbally of his feelings.

So today I just ran a whopping almost 2 miles for the first time. I know...I'm not ready to enter a major marathon yet but I'm doing more today than I ever could have imagined. I even got my 13 year old and her BFF to run with me last weekend. They were great! So proud of them. And they didn't complain once. Now I'm inspired to try to run a greater distance. There is an annual 5 mile race coming up in our little town for the 4th of July. I really want to do it.  Can I? I don't know, but I'm going to try. I just found this training schedule and I'm hoping to give it my best efforts to run this race.

 Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1

I'm also learning to be content and enjoy the adventure along the way. Even if I don't run in the upcoming race, I can still be content to know that my body is becoming more healthy with each day I put one foot in front of the other. If I can inspire even one person to try one thing outside of their comfort zone, then this post is well shared. We are stronger than we think! Just gotta dig deep within.