Around 5:30pm it was decided that Pitocin should be started as there were no real contractions. I was so fearful of the dreaded "P" word. I have read enough to know of the possible snowball effect that can happen when Pitocin is introduced but I could see the need so I braced for a wild ride. We had some great nurses through the three shifts we were there. One was not so great but Ola was amazing and helped me stick to my mobility birth plan as much as possible. She had me slow dancing with my husband to rock the baby out and chair rocking to move in alternate directions. As the Pitocin reared it's ugly head we did our best to breath and rock and dance through contractions.
Wanting to escape the birth process without the need for an epidural I opted to try a dose of Stadol. First dose was given around 11:30 pm, I was at 3cm dilated. The hubbs said it was funny watching me interact with people in the room. I vaguely remember this next part but he had to fill in quite a bit of details for me. I received a second dose at 12:30 but was given a double dose which made me "pass out" for the next 5 plus hours. The only thing I remember is rocking and needing to stop as it was causing motion sickness. Also, at several points I remember waking up gasping for air because I had "forgotten to breath". All this was very upsetting to the hubbs who was by my side every step of the way. Contractions slowed, I was not able to focus through contractions, and was completely unaware of the time that was passing. The hubbs was getting frustrated that the nurse gave me the double dose but later found out that up until the second dose, baby had been tolerating Pitocin well but her heart had started to show signs of distress thus the reason to slow things way down counteracting the effectiveness of Pitocin and causing me to pass out for a few hours.
By 5:30/6:30am on Tuesday I had only progressed to 4cm dilated and the contractions were coming with the intensity I felt with my son's active labor when I had reached 7/8cm dilated. I knew at this point I had lost the battle with Pitocin and opted for an epidural. There was no way I could have endured that level of pain and continue to progress so slowly. Epidurals are amazing and serve a purpose but now I was now bed bound. At least I was able to get a few hours sleep. The hubbs still had not gotten any sleep and took the opportunity to run home and prep kids for school.
The rest of the day was spent sleeping and dilating. If memory serves around 3pm I started to gain some feeling on my right side. While rolling from side to side to get comfortable I snapped my epidural line. There was an attempt to fix it with no luck. While trying to decide if there was time for a spinal it was determined that I was fully dilated and pushing commenced. It's not really that bad that there was not time for the spinal as I was able feel to push with each contraction.
Little Miss was born around 4:10 pm on Tuesday. The room was electric with excitement. She was tiny but healthy and beautiful! The rest of the day was spent recovering and Little Miss finally got to meet her family. It was a moment I will always cherish.
I was able to find strength to go through this entire journey with my husband by my side every step of the way. I have been so blessed by him. On Wednesday we said our goodbyes to the family. It was not until the hubbs and I walked arm in arm out the hospital doors did tears start to flow from my eyes. The tears were full of so much emotion. The magnitude of the journey was overwhelming and hit hard. The hubbs and I have found ourselves looking at each other and feeling very lost. Like, what now? We don't feel like we've lost a child as she never felt like ours but she was a part of our family and will always have a special place in our family heart. My husband is experiencing more emotion than either one of us expected. He is such a protector over our family unit and as Little Miss was a part of our family for this little while, he felt very protective over her too. Now that she is with her family it's hard for him to let go as is for me too. Likewise I've spent some time working through teary moments as I've reflected on how amazing this experience has been. We continue to talk to each other about what we are feeling and know that the intensity of the emotion will lessen with time.
We will forever hold on to the memories of the sweet, beautiful little girl who shared the first part of her growing life with us. We feel privileged to have been able to experience this journey. May Little Miss Wiggles be blessed in all that she does in life and we will continue to pray God's love and grace over her.
A big thank you to the nurses Toni, Ola, and Windy as well as Dr Holst for providing such excellent care. It is greatly appreciated. And thank you to all my family and friends for the endless love and support and encouragement I've felt from you as you have followed me along this journey.
Photos courtesy of Living Shasta Photography
Thank you for working with me on such short notice!
