A Renewed Hope

Third times a charm?! We are in a waiting time frame again after a third transfer! There was a second failed attempt in October. I thought for sure we were going to have a positive result from the transfer! Knowing that again I had done everything possible to make it a successful one helped to sooth the pain of loss but I still felt responsible for the embryo. I admit I was in a funk.I'm the type of person who, when she sets her mind to something, likes to see results! And then knowing that the family was also suffering loss added to the tug on my emotions and added to my frustration.

I know I have a pretty attentive and supportive husband. He is so very protective of me and I know he doesn't like to see me hurting in any capacity. I adore this level of attentiveness. As the hormones began cycling out of my system and my body was regenerating, I just felt the enormity of the situation while at work one day. I know that I can always count on my husband to cheer me up so I had texted him a few times and his responses were encouraging and supportive. I headed out to lunch to run a few errands and upon my return I had flowers on my desk from him and a simple note declaring love with it. I lost it and started balling. Why? So many reasons but I'm guessing hormones mostly. I'm a lucky girl to have amazing support from her partner in life. The sorrow felt for the family was overwhelming and I was frustrated with lack of results but a simple gesture from my husband was just the ticket to get my head back in the game.

Fully recovered, it was time to focus on the possibilities of a third attempt. Mental preparation is so much more a part of this process than I counted on. For this reason I have clung to my faith and come to the realization that nothing I do is by my own power but it's all for His glory. God is the devine creator. All blessings come from above in His time. With that said the fertility doctor suggested that upon the third attempt, a two embryo transfer take place. My heart started racing. Up until now a single embryo transfer seemed most safe and standard. So many thoughts started racing through my head. What if both take? How will I work if both take? What about delivery? Then there's recovery. I started breathing most heavily. What if neither one takes? I can't even go there. I have to put my trust in God!

It is the family's decision primarily weather they transfer one or two but I had the right to say no if I wasn't comfortable. I decided to say yes because nothing else had worked so far and I know how much they adore children and want more. There is no way I could deny them every chance possible for another child. So here we are twenty-four hours post transfer of two embryos. I told myself I wouldn't over analyze every symptom or sign for possible positive results but I think that's impossible to do in this situation. All I can do now is trust in God. He knows the desires of all hearts involved and is the ultimate creator. It's all in His hands now. First blood test is January 7th. A good day I think to get good results!

Lamentations 3:27

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him

Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires.