A Sad Day

Well the quick update is that the transfer didn't work!  So much went into this process. What happened you ask? I don't know...all the shots, all the meds, all the resting didn't result in the outcome expected. My first blood test to search for the pregnancy hormone was at a 6 followed up two days later by 17 and then another two days later by 26. Apparently these are really low numbers and should double every 48 hours. Mine did not. One last test was done four days later and that one came back at a 5! Discouraging to say the least. So many emotions run through me at the moment. I'm a results kind of person and feel like I failed. I know this is out of my control but then I step back and remember that while I'm feeling disappointed there is a family that just experienced a loss which far outweighs my disappointment. It's the whole reason I wanted to be a surrogate in the first place, to help those wanting children, and here I am not able to do that for this family. Sigh. I look back over the entire process and analyze every moment to see if I can pin point any one thing that could have caused this to happen and when there's nothing I think, could there be something wrong with me? I have to remind myself that the doctor looked over everything and would not have proceded with the transfer had there been something wrong. It has to be one of those things that's all in God's timing and He knows the big picture. I take up hope that the next attempt will be successful and that the little child to be must have a very special purpose in this life. I pray peace over the heart of the family and that they find comfort in the arms of God. As for the next attempt, I'm not sure how soon I can start the process again. Obviously my body has to cycle but then how soon the shots start up again are yet to be determined. It's all part of the journey and the lessons we learn along the way. The weather outside here is changing which means a new season...with the new season comes new blessings. It's a beautiful season and one of my favorites!

Where Does The Time Go?

Wow! A whole month has gone by without a post. Where has the summer gone because it has official ended! Kids are back in school and we are back to routine! What's been happening you ask? Well, let me tell you. The hubby and I have been finishing up all those fun shots I wrote about in my last post. It's been quite the interesting evening event this last month as the hubby was out of town for several shots and I needed to find friends to administer them. It was quite comical all the locations they took place too. While dropping off the little man at football practice (had to drop my pants in the parking lot), at a Red Robin after dinner with friends, and I even taught my 13 year old how to administer them. She said she wants to become a midwife but after the sight of the needles she is slightly more apprehensive. I am so very proud of her though and I was amazed at the calm demeanor she maintained. Very professional. :) That girl is going to do great things one day!

I'm feeling quite like a used pin cushion these days. Ouch! My hips are starting to really not like the shots and the pain from them is really my only side effect during this process. Anyway, my shots are over in a few days (woo-hoo!) because embryo transfer was August 22. That was the most amazing and surreal experience ever! Watching a multi celled, live embryo with all it's cells rapidly forming go from a petri dish to uterus was so miraculous! After transfer there were a few days of bed rest and couch duty. Now I'm on light duty for the next few weeks as we play the waiting game. I think the worst part is not being able to exercise because I think the shots cause slight weight gain. Mix that with no exercise and presto, an extra 7 pounds. Just waiting for the all clear to start aqua aerobics and get back in the swing of things. We are now waiting to do blood tests to confirm the hcG levels and confirm a technical pregnancy. The exciting part!

So, this is where I'm at today! Waiting. Did I mention that I'm loving Orange Juice? Multiple pitchers over the last few days. Hmmm....it could be a sign. Trusting God for continued health throughout the next nine months. I'll keep you posted and I know more!