It Just Might Be Official!

Sooo, the news we've all been waiting and hoping for! Blood level of first beta test was 150. This is a great sign that I'm pregnant but we needed today's beta test to at minimum double and it almost tripled coming in at 441! Woot woot! Pregnancy confirmed via blood hormone level! This is very encouraging.

There are still lots of fun tests and pokes that I have to go through before I'm in the clear like weekly blood tests to monitor all kinds of hormone levels. Just when I thought all that fun stuff would come to an end. Looks like I'll be on shots till mid February. You should see the giant bruises on my hips so far. The injection sights are also hard as rock. This was not an anticipated side affect but one that I must deal with. Also I'll have an ultrasound in just a few weeks to confirm a few things. First that the pregnancy is still viable and second to determine if both embryos implanted or just one. I might pass out if there's two but no matter the outcome is all in God's plan. Quite an exciting day. 

Overall I'm feeling quite well. No nausea yet. I wonder if that means it's a girl since I didn't have nausea with my daughter's pregnancy. I'm only slightly tired at the end of the day but then again who isn't?! The tentative due date is September 14th which means I'm 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant even though I've only been carrying the embryo for 12 days. Go figure on those calculations! The science behind this has been intriguing and the miracle of life, well just that. A miracle! So happy for the family!

Cautiously Optimistic

Well today certainly has been an exciting one. I was a bundle full of nerves this morning. While I was getting ready and trying to rush the kids along, I was praying for peace no matter what the outcome of the blood test. I remembered that I had just downloaded a ba-zillion Beth Moore books. I love her studies and thought I might find some pearl of wisdom to hold on to for the day. Two pieces jumped right out at me. The first was the title, "My God is huge and my God is able. If I don't get what I ask him for, I know I'll get something bigger." She gives a great devotional and in it provides the following verse.

You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. Neh 9:6


I don't know, it just struck me that God really is all powerful and really is the life giver! He truly is almighty. No matter the outcome of the pregnancy, God is in control and He knows the bigger and perfect plan. 

Now on to the exciting news...
Results say pregnancy hormone level is at 150! That's a great thing! I'm still cautious to say that I'm pregnant but I'm hopeful that the next blood test in two days confirms today's exciting news by tripling. Trusting in God's perfect plan! Eagerly awaiting to find out if there will be one or weather there will be belly buddies. So happy for the family! 

A Renewed Hope

Third times a charm?! We are in a waiting time frame again after a third transfer! There was a second failed attempt in October. I thought for sure we were going to have a positive result from the transfer! Knowing that again I had done everything possible to make it a successful one helped to sooth the pain of loss but I still felt responsible for the embryo. I admit I was in a funk.I'm the type of person who, when she sets her mind to something, likes to see results! And then knowing that the family was also suffering loss added to the tug on my emotions and added to my frustration.

I know I have a pretty attentive and supportive husband. He is so very protective of me and I know he doesn't like to see me hurting in any capacity. I adore this level of attentiveness. As the hormones began cycling out of my system and my body was regenerating, I just felt the enormity of the situation while at work one day. I know that I can always count on my husband to cheer me up so I had texted him a few times and his responses were encouraging and supportive. I headed out to lunch to run a few errands and upon my return I had flowers on my desk from him and a simple note declaring love with it. I lost it and started balling. Why? So many reasons but I'm guessing hormones mostly. I'm a lucky girl to have amazing support from her partner in life. The sorrow felt for the family was overwhelming and I was frustrated with lack of results but a simple gesture from my husband was just the ticket to get my head back in the game.

Fully recovered, it was time to focus on the possibilities of a third attempt. Mental preparation is so much more a part of this process than I counted on. For this reason I have clung to my faith and come to the realization that nothing I do is by my own power but it's all for His glory. God is the devine creator. All blessings come from above in His time. With that said the fertility doctor suggested that upon the third attempt, a two embryo transfer take place. My heart started racing. Up until now a single embryo transfer seemed most safe and standard. So many thoughts started racing through my head. What if both take? How will I work if both take? What about delivery? Then there's recovery. I started breathing most heavily. What if neither one takes? I can't even go there. I have to put my trust in God!

It is the family's decision primarily weather they transfer one or two but I had the right to say no if I wasn't comfortable. I decided to say yes because nothing else had worked so far and I know how much they adore children and want more. There is no way I could deny them every chance possible for another child. So here we are twenty-four hours post transfer of two embryos. I told myself I wouldn't over analyze every symptom or sign for possible positive results but I think that's impossible to do in this situation. All I can do now is trust in God. He knows the desires of all hearts involved and is the ultimate creator. It's all in His hands now. First blood test is January 7th. A good day I think to get good results!

Lamentations 3:27

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him

Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires. 

A Sad Day

Well the quick update is that the transfer didn't work!  So much went into this process. What happened you ask? I don't know...all the shots, all the meds, all the resting didn't result in the outcome expected. My first blood test to search for the pregnancy hormone was at a 6 followed up two days later by 17 and then another two days later by 26. Apparently these are really low numbers and should double every 48 hours. Mine did not. One last test was done four days later and that one came back at a 5! Discouraging to say the least. So many emotions run through me at the moment. I'm a results kind of person and feel like I failed. I know this is out of my control but then I step back and remember that while I'm feeling disappointed there is a family that just experienced a loss which far outweighs my disappointment. It's the whole reason I wanted to be a surrogate in the first place, to help those wanting children, and here I am not able to do that for this family. Sigh. I look back over the entire process and analyze every moment to see if I can pin point any one thing that could have caused this to happen and when there's nothing I think, could there be something wrong with me? I have to remind myself that the doctor looked over everything and would not have proceded with the transfer had there been something wrong. It has to be one of those things that's all in God's timing and He knows the big picture. I take up hope that the next attempt will be successful and that the little child to be must have a very special purpose in this life. I pray peace over the heart of the family and that they find comfort in the arms of God. As for the next attempt, I'm not sure how soon I can start the process again. Obviously my body has to cycle but then how soon the shots start up again are yet to be determined. It's all part of the journey and the lessons we learn along the way. The weather outside here is changing which means a new season...with the new season comes new blessings. It's a beautiful season and one of my favorites!

Where Does The Time Go?

Wow! A whole month has gone by without a post. Where has the summer gone because it has official ended! Kids are back in school and we are back to routine! What's been happening you ask? Well, let me tell you. The hubby and I have been finishing up all those fun shots I wrote about in my last post. It's been quite the interesting evening event this last month as the hubby was out of town for several shots and I needed to find friends to administer them. It was quite comical all the locations they took place too. While dropping off the little man at football practice (had to drop my pants in the parking lot), at a Red Robin after dinner with friends, and I even taught my 13 year old how to administer them. She said she wants to become a midwife but after the sight of the needles she is slightly more apprehensive. I am so very proud of her though and I was amazed at the calm demeanor she maintained. Very professional. :) That girl is going to do great things one day!

I'm feeling quite like a used pin cushion these days. Ouch! My hips are starting to really not like the shots and the pain from them is really my only side effect during this process. Anyway, my shots are over in a few days (woo-hoo!) because embryo transfer was August 22. That was the most amazing and surreal experience ever! Watching a multi celled, live embryo with all it's cells rapidly forming go from a petri dish to uterus was so miraculous! After transfer there were a few days of bed rest and couch duty. Now I'm on light duty for the next few weeks as we play the waiting game. I think the worst part is not being able to exercise because I think the shots cause slight weight gain. Mix that with no exercise and presto, an extra 7 pounds. Just waiting for the all clear to start aqua aerobics and get back in the swing of things. We are now waiting to do blood tests to confirm the hcG levels and confirm a technical pregnancy. The exciting part!

So, this is where I'm at today! Waiting. Did I mention that I'm loving Orange Juice? Multiple pitchers over the last few days. Hmmm....it could be a sign. Trusting God for continued health throughout the next nine months. I'll keep you posted and I know more!

Let The Fun Begin!

Today is the first day of injections! I never thought I would ever have the guts to give myself a shot in the gut. So glad I can now check off, "Give myself an injection" off my bucket list. It was really high up there too! (NOT) I was very fortunate to have a friend to help me through it the first time. I got a call from the nurse to explain the how to's but I'm a visual / hands on learner. I was pretty nervous but my friend took charge and said this is what you do and I did it! Very grateful to her for holding my hand through it.

I got all my meds in the mail two days ago. Just in time too because I'm ever so patient and kept calling on Thursday to confirm the order. They had to overnight it because there is no Saturday delivery and I started on Sunday, today. What an overwhelming sight when I opened the box. I have everything needed to get me through to the transfer date. Meds include: Lupron (injectable), Doxycycline (antibiotic for me), Florajen (probiotic for me), Baby Aspirin, Cipro (antibiotic for hubby to make sure he doesn't pass anything to me if he gets sick), Estradiol Valerate (injectable), and Progesterone (injectable). To top it all off there are enough syringes for all meds to get me through to the transfer. I think the sight of the syringes is really what made me apprehensive. But I did it and that's all that matters! I'm ready for this!

And so begins the countdown to transfer...25 days left. It is incredible how much science goes into the creation of a life. It's mind blowing! I'm interested to see if I'm still this positive in a few weeks when the side effects start up. Fingers crossed they will be mild to none. And now that I've mastered the Lupron shot (after one shot I'm now a master?) I will have to conquer the next two. The needles are HUGE for those two! EEeeek! The hubby gets to administer those inter muscularly though. Yes, he is having a great sense of humor about this! Quite thrilled that he gets to stick me in my tuchus.

So now I am on the Lupron shot and the Pill until August 1st when it's just the Lupron shot. Blood test August 6th and then on the 9th I start all meds listed above except Progesterone and then another blood test August 14. Then I start Progesterone on August 17th. Phew, good thing I have a calendar that tells me what to take on each day! Otherwise I would be a little lost. Grateful to the team at ZFC. They are wonderful and so patient with the questions I have. I'll keep you posted on any side effects. Have a great week!

It's Official!

Well I finally got  the confirmation! I'm officially a surrogate.  The contract is signed and we are waiting for meds to ship.  What a crazy year plus it's been. Weight loss, background checks, medical screening, anticipation of meeting intended parents, and so much more. It's all so surreal! I'm still as excited about the process as the day this was set in motion.  My husband by my side the whole way.  I'm so lucky to have someone who supports my dreams and help make them a reality.  I know there will be sacrifices along the way but to be able to help make another family's dream a reality is so much more rewarding.  I hope that as this process unfolds and the community becomes more aware that they are supportive too.  (We live in a small town) I'm just not sure what the rumor mill will produce.  I'm sure some of it may be comical at least.  I know that surrogacy is not something everyone approves of which is ok,  but I hope the comments are respectful.  I know that my strength to go through this is only by the grace of God and not my own.   I feel like I've been given a great opportunity to bless a family.  While I may never understand the struggles of infertility I hope that others become aware and through this become more supportive of those wanting children of their own and avenue they pursue to achieve a family.  I'm exited for what the future holds. It's all in God's hand now... and the fertility doctor's!  :) Please ask questions but please be respectful. And sorry,  I will not be answering questions about the intended parents. 

Frequently Asked Questions:

Is this my egg?
No.  I'm just the gestational carrier (GC).  Another term is surrogate carrier (SC). Or as I prefer...extreem babysitter of sorts. 

Will I have a hard time giving the baby up?
No not really.  I will be curious to see the little person I've carried all those months but it's not my child so I think it will be easy.

Will I have to give up anything? Well yes but that's pretty normal for a pregnancy.  Healthy is my goal and I feel like I've been in training for a while now with weight loss.  I have been soda free for two plus years but I might miss the occasional cup of designer coffee.  :)

Is my family supportive?
The immediate family is supportive. This helps a lot. I'm grateful to them for understanding.  Not many of the extended family is aware yet.