Making the New Year Great!

As I embrace a new day of a new year, I have a quite moment to reflect on the past year's events and happenings and all the emotions that went with it. I am reminded how precious life is, how valuable friendship is, and that even in the worst of times joy can be found. I am thankful for all the events that shaped last year and hope to treasure the memories as I take them into the new year.

I don't do new year resolutions but I believe making a conscious effort at any time to do or improve upon something positive in your life can only improve your outlook on life and hopefully infect those around you. I hope to focus on the positive more.

With that said, I am thrilled to be able to carry another little one for a great family. Hopefully delivery of this little one this year will bring added joy to the family. I am almost 15 weeks along now and feeling pretty good. I have been very fortunate again that I have had very little nausea and my energy level is returning! I can now stay up a little longer than my kids can which is a huge success. No clue yet as to what I am carrying but at my last OB appointment there was a strong heartbeat. I have not been able to feel any consistent little wiggles yet. There was one time a few weeks ago I felt a giant wiggle but nothing has happened since. I am excited for the ultrasound in a few weeks to see how this little one is developing and possibly find out what I am carrying. Keep you all posted as I know more...

I hope you all have a wonderful new year filled with many opportunities for happiness!

Surrogacy: Setting the Record Straight

26 days since transfer:

I love our small town community. In times of tragedy there can be great support and great strength among neighbors. It definitely has benefits, however a small town is also good for rumors! In a town where everybody knows everyone's business or think they "know", I am here to tell you that everyone's information is always just a little off. I am so grateful to my close friends who have not shunned me for my decision to become a surrogate as well as a repeat surrogate. You know who you all are! But I find it almost comical that information is filtering back to me about the circumstances surrounding the first journey. So I am here to clear the air and set the record straight.

• No, I did not give birth to twins! Two embryos were transferred in 2013(after two failed attempts) and only one embryo took. She was born healthy in 2014 and is so adorable.
• No, I am not a surrogate for a gay couple. While there are gay couples out there who want a family just as much as any other family, this family unit is very special. There is a daddy and a mommy. But does it really matter WHO the parents are? There are two people who love these little ones with all their hearts! When someone wants to love kids, their marriage/gender status becomes irrelevant. Please respect their privacy and know that I would not go down this road if I didn't feel that the family unit that I am dealing with wasn't sound.
• No, I did not get paid several hundred thousand dollars for the first journey let along a second. While the process of IVF is costly and very scientifically involved, think about it people...would I really still be living in our little broken run down home if I had been paid several hundred thousand dollars???

These are just a few of the rumors swirling around me. As the rumors fly, I am currently fighting against loosing this little embryo. My focus switched yesterday as I started to bleed. In any pregnancy, this is generally not a good sign. The cause was unknown, but very scary! I wracked my brain trying to determine if there was a food I ate or activity I participated in that could have contributed in some way to the cause of the bleed. I am carrying a child for someone else and take this event in life very seriously. After bed rest yesterday and again today, things seem to be on the up side. Blood tests revealed today that the pregnancy is still viable and the bleed was just an unexplained very scary thing that happened. I find myself thinking how irrelevant the rumors are and how important this little life is. I encourage anyone who has questions to ask me as I am happy to share my experience. Thank you to all of my friends for your fabulous support and words of encouragement! You are a big part of this journey too and help to keep my strong!

A Little Surprise!

Hello Friends!


I have something fun to share that has been in the works for quite a lot of months now! As many of you know, Little Miss Wiggles was born in September of 2014. What a treasured chapter in life. I thought my experience as a gestational surrogate had come to an end but something was stirring inside me. It was "that feeling" like I was not done and had to do another journey. But for who and could I get my husband on board...a second time?


Now listen, I am one lucky gal because I have an amazing husband!!! I know I probably push the envelope with him with all my whim's and fancy's but through it all he keeps me grounded and keeps life real. So when I proposed the idea of another journey he said very quickly, no. But most who know me, know that I am not one who takes that word well so we discussed it for quite a few months. The coordinator who facilitated the match the first time kept checking in with me to see if my husband was on board yet. Finally, my amazing husband came around to the idea and we both agreed that it would be just this one last time! We made the call to say yes and begin the matching process again.


Now call it fate or whatever you believe in, but the day we called the coordinator to say yes, she called back to say that the family I was a gestational surrogate for had just inquired about looking for another surrogate too! I was over the moon excited that this could even be a possible match. I love everything about this family unit and to know that I could have the potential to carry for them AGAIN, I was jumping up and down!!!

Fast forward quite a few months, because planning plays a major roll in surrogacy, and I am excited to share with you that today I got results that confirm I AM PREGNANT, AGAIN! I look forward to getting to know this little one's personality and finding a new name to refer to him or her. Right now I am so happy and honored to help grow this new little one for an amazing family!

Life's Little Blessings

Well today should have been baby's due date but as most of you know she made her entrance a little sooner. Last Monday morning I woke shortly before 5am only to realize that my water had ruptured. It was go time...sort of. We notified the family to allow time for them to travel but my contractions didn't start immediately. The hubbs had been on a night schedule and I woke him when my water broke because I thought things would progress but after a some time with no progression we figured it best if he went back to sleep so he would be prepared to support me during labor. We managed to get the kids off to school and then we waited some more. Still no contractions. We tried to stay busy by packing our bags, moving about the house, and finally decided to run a couple errands and walk...and walk...and walk. We kept in contact with the doctor's office and determined that we should probably head to the hospital around 2pm. I was monitored for about an hour where we walked some more. I was finally admitted but labor had still not started. Waiting for something to happen is not my style but all good things come to those who wait.

Around 5:30pm it was decided that Pitocin should be started as there were no real contractions. I was so fearful of the dreaded "P" word. I have read enough to know of the possible snowball effect that can happen when Pitocin is introduced but I could see the need so I braced for a wild ride. We had some great nurses through the three shifts we were there. One was not so great but Ola was amazing and helped me stick to my mobility birth plan as much as possible. She had me slow dancing with my husband to rock the baby out and chair rocking to move in alternate directions. As the Pitocin reared it's ugly head we did our best to breath and rock and dance through contractions.

Wanting to escape the birth process without the need for an epidural I opted to try a dose of Stadol. First dose was given around 11:30 pm, I was at 3cm dilated. The hubbs said it was funny watching me interact with people in the room. I vaguely remember this next part but he had to fill in quite a bit of details for me. I received a second dose at 12:30 but was given a double dose which made me "pass out" for the next 5 plus hours. The only thing I remember is rocking and needing to stop as it was causing motion sickness. Also, at several points I remember waking up gasping for air because I had "forgotten to breath". All this was very upsetting to the hubbs who was by my side every step of the way. Contractions slowed, I was not able to focus through contractions, and was completely unaware of the time that was passing. The hubbs was getting frustrated that the nurse gave me the double dose but later found out that up until the second dose, baby had been tolerating Pitocin well but her heart had started to show signs of distress thus the reason to slow things way down counteracting the effectiveness of Pitocin and causing me to pass out for a few hours.

By 5:30/6:30am on Tuesday I had only progressed to 4cm dilated and the contractions were coming with the intensity I felt with my son's active labor when I had reached 7/8cm dilated. I knew at this point I had lost the battle with Pitocin and opted for an epidural. There was no way I could have endured that level of pain and continue to progress so slowly. Epidurals are amazing and serve a purpose but now I was now bed bound. At least I was able to get a few hours sleep. The hubbs still had not gotten any sleep and took the opportunity to run home and prep kids for school.

The rest of the day was spent sleeping and dilating. If memory serves around 3pm I started to gain some feeling on my right side. While rolling from side to side to get comfortable I snapped my epidural line. There was an attempt to fix it with no luck. While trying to decide if there was time for a spinal it was determined that I was fully dilated and pushing commenced. It's not really that bad that there was not time for the spinal as I was able feel to push with each contraction.

Little Miss was born around 4:10 pm on Tuesday. The room was electric with excitement. She was tiny but healthy and beautiful! The rest of the day was spent recovering and Little Miss finally got to meet her family. It was a moment I will always cherish.

I was able to find strength to go through this entire journey with my husband by my side every step of the way. I have been so blessed by him. On Wednesday we said our goodbyes to the family. It was not until the hubbs and I walked arm in arm out the hospital doors did tears start to flow from my eyes. The tears were full of so much emotion. The magnitude of the journey was overwhelming and hit hard. The hubbs and I have found ourselves looking at each other and feeling very lost. Like, what now? We don't feel like we've lost a child as she never felt like ours but she was a part of our family and will always have a special place in our family heart. My husband is experiencing more emotion than either one of us expected. He is such a protector over our family unit and as Little Miss was a part of our family for this little while, he felt very protective over her too. Now that she is with her family it's hard for him to let go as is for me too. Likewise I've spent some time working through teary moments as I've reflected on how amazing this experience has been. We continue to talk to each other about what we are feeling and know that the intensity of the emotion will lessen with time.

We will forever hold on to the memories of the sweet, beautiful little girl who shared the first part of her growing life with us. We feel privileged to have been able to experience this journey. May Little Miss Wiggles be blessed in all that she does in life and we will continue to pray God's love and grace over her.

A big thank you to the nurses Toni, Ola, and Windy as well as Dr Holst for providing such excellent care. It is greatly appreciated. And thank you to all my family and friends for the endless love and support and encouragement I've felt from you as you have followed me along this journey.

Photos courtesy of Living Shasta Photography
Thank you for working with me on such short notice!

38 Weeks Down...2 Weeks Left

Well, here we are in the final stages! Another week completed and one week closer to Little Miss meeting her excited family. She certainly is dong her part to help prepare for the transition into this world. A few days ago I woke up and as I got out of bed I realized she had made herself at home in my BACK...my low-low back. I think this counts a some form of "dropping" that women refer to. And those wonderful Braxton Hicks are quite the reminder that hey, something could happen but isn't happening right now, but until then they will continue to take my breath away and keep me alert to the possibilities.

Sleep is so precious to me right now. I feel like I want to hibernate for the next two weeks. Unfortunately when I do get to partake in some form of sweet slumber, it's not always so sweet. There are those lovely three point rollovers with a bazillion pillows to readjust. And lets not even talk about the number of trips to visit the WC. I'm holding out hope that the numb fingers will regain feeling in them sometime soon after she's born too. I know all these discomforts are only temporary and working for a purpose to grow a healthy little girl. It may sound like a lot of complaining but it really is amazing all the changes that a women's body goes through to bring life into this world...and it's all worth it.

I love that there are no new stretch marks with two weeks left. I think Little Miss fits nicely into the ones from my first pregnancy. And I'm holding tight at 20/21 pound weight gain. Although that doctors office scale is still at odds with my scale at home. While doing aqua aerobics, I'm pretty sure she is doing the same. It really makes me chuckle how she moves when I'm in the water. This whole pregnancy she has been stretching her legs on my left side while sticking her back and rear out on my right. Well, just the other day she decided to switch things up. Now she's pushing those legs out on my right side.

I really am trying to enjoy the last few weeks I have with her and hoping that she is healthy when she comes into this world. I think the next few weeks are really going to fly by though because our family will be focusing on football and soccer practices and coordinating games, but whenever she decides to make her big debut we'll be ready!

What?!...Three Weeks Left?

Well, how did that happen so fast? It is so hard to believe that there are only three weeks left till my due date. With a slight change in the weather, new sports activities with the kids, and preparing for back to school, it feels like this pregnancy should still have more time left before Little Miss makes her debut.

Little Miss really has been great. She is measuring on track and sure does like to move. Not many kicks or jabs though. She still loves to roll and stretch and that is what really takes my breath away. While she is finally head down she still loves to nestle in my left hip and straighten legs and but across my belly and it takes me by surprise.

Signs that my body is preparing for labor? Well, there's those pesky Braxton Hicks contractions. I've had them for quite a few weeks now but they have certainly been intensifying lately. Also, a few days ago I woke up and I swear the top of my belly could be sucked in...and that hasn't happened in quite a few months. Not to mention the accompanied pressure in my low, low back. I'm thinking Little Miss has started to "drop". Then there's the pregnancy insomnia. It's so bizarre how routine it is. Every night at 11:35pm, 3:00am, and then up at 6am for the day...assuming I fell back to sleep at 3. And lastly the numb fingers. The doctor says due to hand swelling it's putting pressure on my wrists causing carpel tunnel issues. It should go away once delivery happens though so it's only a temporary discomfort.

It's all so exciting and saddening at the same time. Realizing that this journey is about to end for me is bittersweet. I didn't think I would be so emotional about the end process. I have loved every minute of this experience and will be sad when my journey with this little one comes to an end, however I'm super excited for her to begin a new journey with her family. She is going to be one blessed little girl.
 

8 Weeks Left...But Who's Counting?!

As I sit here this afternoon enjoying a bowl of cut up apples and yogurt, I think how amazing the cooler temperature feels. Especially with the breeze! It's heavenly. I'll take more days like this for sure! Summer is in full swing with all the activities going on. One child is off to camp and the other one will soon follow. Both are finishing up baseball with the Jr Giants. Before I know it school will be in full swing again.

Today I thought I would answer a few questions that seem to be coming up frequently related to pregnancy, health, and surrogacy.

How am I feeling?
Amazing! Sure, there are a few aches and pains but nothing I can't tolerate. I truly have been blessed this pregnancy.

How much weight have you gained?
Yep, been asked a few times. Really it's not that bad. At 32 weeks I'm only up 14 pounds but the doctor's office has been consistently 2 pounds heavier. It's the great scale controversy. I suppose if I have to take the extra two pounds it's still not that bad.

Have you had any major cravings?
Nothing requiring a midnight run to a special store for food. I just know what foods taste best. Lots of fresh food. Honestly it's what makes me feel the best. Watermelon and Chipotle are so delish! No, not together, gross. I do miss my coffee. I'm finally able to have a cup every now and again but it still doesn't taste great. Let me preface this with I am NOT a beer drinker. Can't stand the taste however the hubby drinks it and let me tell you that every time he poured one, the smell of it was soooo appealing! Thankfully the allure has passed.

Does the baby kick a lot?
Yes but she seems to wiggle more. The movement comes in a couple three movements at a time and then she stops. It's almost like she just needs to get comfortable and moves accordingly. I've had very few nights of her keeping me up.

Do you know what you are having?
Yes, it's a girl but I quickly follow it up with, but it's not my baby. {Insert-I'm a surrogate}It usually takes a moment to register with people but they are usually very receptive to the concept. I try to let people know immediately that she is not mine because I work with the public and I don't want to mislead them in any way.

Is it your egg?
No, I am just the extreme babysitter. The embryo was created and placed inside my uterus. I have no biological relation to this little person. I believe that is what has allowed me not to get attached to her.

Are the parents excited?
Yes, the family is thrilled that they will have a new addition soon.

Will the mom and dad be there when you deliver?
Of course the family will be there. After all this is their child.

Are they excited?
Um, I'm pretty sure they are! Who wouldn't be excited for a new addition to the family? I'm excited for them too. I can wait for them to meet their little one.

How does your family feel about it?
My husband has been very supportive through it all. He knows this is something I've wanted to do for a very long time. My children are full of questions and love watching my belly grow. I don't think I would do this without their support.

Would you be a surrogate again if given the chance?
This is one I've contemplated a lot recently. As I don't yet know the full outcome of this pregnancy experience I cant make a solid decision. So far this is my answer: Yes and no. I've been very blessed throughout this whole process. Working with this family has been amazing. I don't know that I would be so lucky again. What if it didn't work out as well with another family? I love being pregnant and I have enjoyed every moment of this journey but even it I did decide to go through with this again I don't know that I could get the husband on board. He has been very supportive but there is a certain level of sacrifice to one's normal life routine. Also, he has a really hard time seeing me in any kind of pain or discomfort especially anything that he cant help with. I don't know that I could put him through that again. For now I am embracing every minute of the journey and know that this will forever be a part of my life I will not soon forget.

9 Weeks Left!

As the pregnancy transitions and the end is quickly approaching, I am amazed at how well I feel overall. I've really had very few complaints. Of course my body is growing another human being so there are bound to be aches and pains as muscles stretch and joints loosen. That's just part of the process. If I were to choose one annoying consistent symptom that I've suffered from it would be a stuffy nose. Yes, it really is a REAL side effect of pregnancy. Go figure. I remember being stuffy towards the end with my son's pregnancy but didn't know at the time that it was due to pregnancy. Something about increased levels of estrogen hormones in my body that cause more mucous in the lining of my nose. It should clear up after Little Miss is born. Simple remedy really!

Currently, heat is my Kryptonite! Literally! When I'm inside I'm happy as a clam but the second I get overheated,  the fingers and toes begin to swell and I wilt.  I feel like Violet from Willy Wink. You remember, she's the one who swelled into a blueberry and was rolled away to be squeezed! I've never experienced a summer pregnancy and I have to say that when I get hot, I get cranky. Who knew!? I've heard of this "cranky condition" in many pregnant women but until now never understood it. I have a whole new respect fo those who have gone before me! I'm normally a pretty patient, happy, and easy going person but the mix of heat and pregnancy have made me very intolerant of everything and everyone. Working through pregnancy has been a breeze though because I'm in AC all day! It's wonderful but venturing out even on my drive home is uncomfortable. Hoping this heat wave ends sooner rather than later. Lots of water and lots of watermelon until cooler days!

The Braxton Hicks contractions have begun. That's a sure sign the end phase has begun. So exciting. I forgot how tight they can get. Nothing painful but certainly gets my attention. Another thing that gets my attention is the constant moving this little one does. She seems to nestle into my left hip a lot. The family is getting a "kick" out of watching my belly move. My son was laughing hysterically the other night. He put his ear up to my belly to try to hear the baby and all he heard were the gurgles from the water I had just consumed and promptly got kicked in the side of the head. Ironically my son has been the most enthralled with little miss. He pokes at her to try to get her to move and talks to her. Sweet kid. My daughter has a more sarcastic humor about it all. She swears there is an alien in my belly about to burst out at any moment.

Recently I found a great blog called Birth Without Fear. It is full of inspirational birth stories and positive support. Its wonderful to have this positive aid along the way. Along with all the positive stories found online I've found a common thread of what pregnant women endure hearing form others that are negative. While pregnancy is a time to celebrate new life, women often times become very sensitive. I myself have heard a few comments from others. Especially other women. While I do not consider myself sensitive to many of the comments, I find it ironic that we as women boast about building each other up in regards to strengths,  abilities, and looks but when it comes to pregnancy how quickly the filter fades. I am not one to get easily offended because I am confident in who I am and what I am doing. But I am more aghast at the lack of thought before words are spoken between women. 

Right now though my focus is on getting through these last nine weeks with ease and grace...and lots of watermelon!

30 Weeks!

Let me start by saying that this post is bitter sweet. While I continue to enjoy and celebrate a pregnancy that is going smoothly and know that a family is going to have a new little blessing soon, I write knowing that a dear friend has suffered yet another miscarriage. I don't understand why some little soles have to leave this world sooner than others. My heart is so heavy for my dear friend knowing her struggles to conceive. It greatly saddens me for those who strongly desire to have children of their own yet can not for what ever reason! It's such a reminder to me that I've been greatly blessed with two amazing children and know that they have been placed in my life for a very special reason. I continue to hope and pray for my dear friend that she will some day soon be able to experience the joys of parenthood!

As for this pregnancy, Little Miss Wiggles is just that, wiggling all the time! I've had a few crazy episodes of her spazzing out with a series of kicks and jabs but nothing that has been painful yet. Only once she has woken me up from a nap and once during the night. I think she spins quite happily in there. My belly seems to be a different shape every morning depending on how she moves. I also think she is shy...because every time I try to have the family feel her movements, she settles right down. Go figure.

Lately, I have been devouring blueberries, watermelon, and pineapple. Also loving grilled egg plant with fresh tomato slices and melted provolone. Of course all meat (except fish) has been seasoned with chipoltle...cant get enough of the stuff!! Yum! Thinking I need to up my protein intake as I've been craving lots of carbs but when I have indulged in the carb goodness, it doesn't satisfy. And thank goodness for our little tea shop in town. What a wonderful assortment of organic teas they offer. Grandma's Garden is my favorite and makes a lovely ice tea which in this HOT weather is completely necessary!

The running/jogging days are for sure over! Certainly because it's so hot outside now but also because I tried a few weeks ago and, nope it was a no-go! BUT, I still have aqua aerobics. Exercise during pregnancy has been amazing. I'm a huge advocate for it. The benefits are countless. Hoping that once Little Miss is born I can start running again and possibly attempt my first 5K next 4th of July!

Now that I am at the 10 week countdown point, a whole new thought process has begun. I had my first moment of, "oh, yeah...gotta do the labor thing again!" Yikes! Wondering what the circumstances will be leading up to the wonderful day. I've had several pregnancy dreams where the labor was so fast that the family couldn't make it in time. More of an unpleasant dream really. While I can only hope for a quick labor and delivery I would definitely be sad if the family couldn't be there for the special event. I know that this day that is quickly approaching will be full of emotions! While I can not wait for her to meet her new family, I know it will mean the end of my journey with her. I am just enjoying the little time I have left with her. I hope that my children will be able to meet this sweet little one and say their goodbye's so they have closure too.

24 Weeks!

Yey! The weeks are flying by. Little Miss is growing so much every day. At the last ultrasound she was measuring a little over one whole pound! She has recently had a crazy case of the wiggles and hick-ups! She is super healthy and seems to be really sweet so far!

So excited that I've only gained nine pounds and I'm already half way there! Although I swear my doctor's office scale is way wrong. My scale at home matched the one at the ultrasound office but the doctor's office scale is weighing 5 pounds heavier. Whatever, I know that I'm eating very healthy foods and getting plenty of exercise. I'm loving aqua aerobics classes and walking outdoors in the afternoon sun. Last week and this week some really rocking music was on Pandora and I even jogged for a little bit. Before this pregnancy I started running but have been nervous to over exert myself. I've missed the great feeling of running so I thought I'd give it a try. Lets just say it felt really good to jog and by no means was this a full on sprint. I've read a lot about what pregnant ladies can and cant do when pregnant when it comes to exercise. The majority of the information says don't start something new. Exercise helps with sleep too!

I haven't had many obsessive food cravings. I'm loving all things with chipotle seasoning. And sometimes I really think I could lick a salt lick! (but I promise I wont) Before I was pregnant I swear I could be a fruit-tarian and that certainly has not changed now. As the temperature increases outside, I'm finding many ways to keep cool with fruit. One of my favorites is coconut milk with frozen pineapple in a blender. It's creamy and cold and sweet. Of course my go to snack is ice cold watermelon. Big tip: Don't eat watermelon right before bed. For those of you who are pregnant, this affects you!

This journey has been amazing so far. I was reflecting recently on each pregnancy I've been through. I had my first baby in my late teens, my second baby in my mid twenties, and now a third pregnancy in my early thirties. Each one has been so different mentally. One thing has remained the same, I love being pregnant! I cant wait for this little girl to be born so she can meet her new family. It's like Christmas Eve when the parents have wrapped all the gifts and they are under the tree and you cant wait for the kids to open their gifts to see their happy faces.

Here's to the next half of the pregnancy going well!!!

19 Weeks And It's A...

Where have these weeks gone? Clearly my calling is not as a blogger!

Here's what's new. Whatever mild to nill nausea I may have experienced has gone. Poof, like magic! I'm still a little tired but my body is growing a baby so I don't mind getting a few extra zzz's. I've made the switch to maternity wear for the most part due to comfort. And so far I've only gained 8 pounds to date. Not bad if I do say so myself. I can still fit in my pants with a belly band belt but the belt sits right over where the baby is and not comfortable. Yes, there is a pooch now. The little belly fat I did have prior to pregnancy has been pushed up so now it feels like I look farther along than I really am. I'm sure it is just everything rearranging in there. I have been feeling baby flopping in there since 13 weeks. The flopps and rolls have now turned into more of a defined movement of little arms and legs but no karate chops or elbow jabs yet. The hubbs got to feel it twice. And while I'm on the subject of the hubbs, he is too cute. He was really involved in our own two kids pregnancies. He would sing to them, talk to them, and always had his hand on my belly. I loved it. This time around I wasn't sure what part he would play as its not OUR child. He's definitely my support partner in all this! I assumed he would be removed and unattached. Wrong. I think he loves the whole process as much as I do. What a surprise!  We both are so amazed at how God grows babies. They are their own little miracle.  Yes,  his hand is always on my belly now and I think he may have a harder time saying goodbye than I will in a few more months.  It's just such a blessing to have a partner who is by my side through this surrogacy process. 

This pregnancy has been a piece of cake so far and not by my own strength.  I am very much feeling the prayers of those around me.  It really is through God's grace that I am able to go on this journey. 

So last week was the big ultrasound! It was so much more advanced than with my own two kids.  Every inch of the baby was measured. Even down to the three didgets on the pinky finger.  Love technology!  Parts of it were 3-D and others were infrared and you could see blood flow through the heart.  Wow! So cool!

The most awesome part is that the baby is a girl!!!... And she's healthy. 

The family is thrilled and we are so happy for them too! 

Twelve Weeks!

Where have the weeks gone? They have been filled with lots of ups and downs for me. All is well with the pregnancy and baby, fortunately, but it was kinda scary there for a minute. Let me first say that it is confirmed that there is only one baby. One very healthy baby. So cute watching this tiny little being wiggle around on the ultrasound with arms and legs. Such an incredible reminder of the miracle taking place inside the womb.

The past few weeks have been consumed with getting insurance activated, switching care providers, and doctor visits. And continuing weekly blood draws to monitor hormone levels. If I were to give one piece of advice to someone considering surrogacy, it would be...be prepared to be poked. A LOT! Not only are there weekly blood draws but then there's all the injections that occur. My last injection was February 16th! Hooray! The last few weeks of injections I developed large walnut size bumps at the injection site and they were very painful. So thankful to be done with those.

 Let me just say that there are several things I didn't expect to experience as a surrogate but mostly I didn't realize how responsible and protective over this little baby I would feel. While there is great responsibility to care for another person's child, I simply didn't realize how strongly I would feel this while carrying the baby.

So a few weeks ago I started spotting. Very scary. Don't really know why. Maybe because I stopped my progesterone shots. Maybe because the second embryo that didn't survive was trying to exit my body. But what ever the case, it was really scary. I left town for a few days to visit family with the kids but the Hubs couldn't make the trip with me. No problem there because I thought the trip would be a smooth one. I know I'm pretty attached to the Hubs and depend on him for a lot but when I started spotting, I really longed for him to be by my side. I started to panic and let fear set in. I immediately texted a few close friends to ask for prayers. I feel so fortunate that I could contact these ladies as they truly are special and amazing women. One thing that they all reminded me of is that even when we feel all alone, we are not. God is always with us and is our comfort in the face of fear. Duh, I should have remember that. But sometimes we need our friends to remind us of the obvious. Two verses they reminded me of were Isaiah 41:10 and Deuteronomy 31:6.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6



I'm praising God for the positive outcome. Regardless of the cause of the bleeding there is a miracle growing inside me and everyone is healthy. I'm continuing to put my trust in God and have peace that He is in control no matter the situation.

Heartbeat(s)

Well my beta HCG has been steadily rising. This is a great indicator of positive pregnancy. Numbers have been 150, 441, 5263, and 16,296. But the main thing we've all been waiting for are the results of the ultrasound. It was so hard waiting during the hours leading up to the appointment today. As most of you know two embryos were transferred at the end of December. Waiting to find out if both took has been pretty intense. The ultrasound confirmed that there is for sure one healthy embryo! I'm pregnant! The intended family is going to grow again! There is however another blob/mass in there that has yet to be determined weather it's a failed embryo or one that implanted later and is slightly behind in development which would be the reason we couldn't see a heart beat. So no firm answer on weather there are belly buddies in there or just a buddy. There will be more waiting until the embryo(s) are farther along when another ultrasound can confirm more accurately the specifics. Hooray, a baby is on the way! So far I'm feeling great! Just a little sleepy in the early evenings. Ok, so I can't keep my eyes open passed eight but I'm not complaining.

It Just Might Be Official!

Sooo, the news we've all been waiting and hoping for! Blood level of first beta test was 150. This is a great sign that I'm pregnant but we needed today's beta test to at minimum double and it almost tripled coming in at 441! Woot woot! Pregnancy confirmed via blood hormone level! This is very encouraging.

There are still lots of fun tests and pokes that I have to go through before I'm in the clear like weekly blood tests to monitor all kinds of hormone levels. Just when I thought all that fun stuff would come to an end. Looks like I'll be on shots till mid February. You should see the giant bruises on my hips so far. The injection sights are also hard as rock. This was not an anticipated side affect but one that I must deal with. Also I'll have an ultrasound in just a few weeks to confirm a few things. First that the pregnancy is still viable and second to determine if both embryos implanted or just one. I might pass out if there's two but no matter the outcome is all in God's plan. Quite an exciting day. 

Overall I'm feeling quite well. No nausea yet. I wonder if that means it's a girl since I didn't have nausea with my daughter's pregnancy. I'm only slightly tired at the end of the day but then again who isn't?! The tentative due date is September 14th which means I'm 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant even though I've only been carrying the embryo for 12 days. Go figure on those calculations! The science behind this has been intriguing and the miracle of life, well just that. A miracle! So happy for the family!

Cautiously Optimistic

Well today certainly has been an exciting one. I was a bundle full of nerves this morning. While I was getting ready and trying to rush the kids along, I was praying for peace no matter what the outcome of the blood test. I remembered that I had just downloaded a ba-zillion Beth Moore books. I love her studies and thought I might find some pearl of wisdom to hold on to for the day. Two pieces jumped right out at me. The first was the title, "My God is huge and my God is able. If I don't get what I ask him for, I know I'll get something bigger." She gives a great devotional and in it provides the following verse.

You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. Neh 9:6


I don't know, it just struck me that God really is all powerful and really is the life giver! He truly is almighty. No matter the outcome of the pregnancy, God is in control and He knows the bigger and perfect plan. 

Now on to the exciting news...
Results say pregnancy hormone level is at 150! That's a great thing! I'm still cautious to say that I'm pregnant but I'm hopeful that the next blood test in two days confirms today's exciting news by tripling. Trusting in God's perfect plan! Eagerly awaiting to find out if there will be one or weather there will be belly buddies. So happy for the family! 

A Renewed Hope

Third times a charm?! We are in a waiting time frame again after a third transfer! There was a second failed attempt in October. I thought for sure we were going to have a positive result from the transfer! Knowing that again I had done everything possible to make it a successful one helped to sooth the pain of loss but I still felt responsible for the embryo. I admit I was in a funk.I'm the type of person who, when she sets her mind to something, likes to see results! And then knowing that the family was also suffering loss added to the tug on my emotions and added to my frustration.

I know I have a pretty attentive and supportive husband. He is so very protective of me and I know he doesn't like to see me hurting in any capacity. I adore this level of attentiveness. As the hormones began cycling out of my system and my body was regenerating, I just felt the enormity of the situation while at work one day. I know that I can always count on my husband to cheer me up so I had texted him a few times and his responses were encouraging and supportive. I headed out to lunch to run a few errands and upon my return I had flowers on my desk from him and a simple note declaring love with it. I lost it and started balling. Why? So many reasons but I'm guessing hormones mostly. I'm a lucky girl to have amazing support from her partner in life. The sorrow felt for the family was overwhelming and I was frustrated with lack of results but a simple gesture from my husband was just the ticket to get my head back in the game.

Fully recovered, it was time to focus on the possibilities of a third attempt. Mental preparation is so much more a part of this process than I counted on. For this reason I have clung to my faith and come to the realization that nothing I do is by my own power but it's all for His glory. God is the devine creator. All blessings come from above in His time. With that said the fertility doctor suggested that upon the third attempt, a two embryo transfer take place. My heart started racing. Up until now a single embryo transfer seemed most safe and standard. So many thoughts started racing through my head. What if both take? How will I work if both take? What about delivery? Then there's recovery. I started breathing most heavily. What if neither one takes? I can't even go there. I have to put my trust in God!

It is the family's decision primarily weather they transfer one or two but I had the right to say no if I wasn't comfortable. I decided to say yes because nothing else had worked so far and I know how much they adore children and want more. There is no way I could deny them every chance possible for another child. So here we are twenty-four hours post transfer of two embryos. I told myself I wouldn't over analyze every symptom or sign for possible positive results but I think that's impossible to do in this situation. All I can do now is trust in God. He knows the desires of all hearts involved and is the ultimate creator. It's all in His hands now. First blood test is January 7th. A good day I think to get good results!

Lamentations 3:27

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him

Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you your heart's desires. 

A Sad Day

Well the quick update is that the transfer didn't work!  So much went into this process. What happened you ask? I don't know...all the shots, all the meds, all the resting didn't result in the outcome expected. My first blood test to search for the pregnancy hormone was at a 6 followed up two days later by 17 and then another two days later by 26. Apparently these are really low numbers and should double every 48 hours. Mine did not. One last test was done four days later and that one came back at a 5! Discouraging to say the least. So many emotions run through me at the moment. I'm a results kind of person and feel like I failed. I know this is out of my control but then I step back and remember that while I'm feeling disappointed there is a family that just experienced a loss which far outweighs my disappointment. It's the whole reason I wanted to be a surrogate in the first place, to help those wanting children, and here I am not able to do that for this family. Sigh. I look back over the entire process and analyze every moment to see if I can pin point any one thing that could have caused this to happen and when there's nothing I think, could there be something wrong with me? I have to remind myself that the doctor looked over everything and would not have proceded with the transfer had there been something wrong. It has to be one of those things that's all in God's timing and He knows the big picture. I take up hope that the next attempt will be successful and that the little child to be must have a very special purpose in this life. I pray peace over the heart of the family and that they find comfort in the arms of God. As for the next attempt, I'm not sure how soon I can start the process again. Obviously my body has to cycle but then how soon the shots start up again are yet to be determined. It's all part of the journey and the lessons we learn along the way. The weather outside here is changing which means a new season...with the new season comes new blessings. It's a beautiful season and one of my favorites!

Where Does The Time Go?

Wow! A whole month has gone by without a post. Where has the summer gone because it has official ended! Kids are back in school and we are back to routine! What's been happening you ask? Well, let me tell you. The hubby and I have been finishing up all those fun shots I wrote about in my last post. It's been quite the interesting evening event this last month as the hubby was out of town for several shots and I needed to find friends to administer them. It was quite comical all the locations they took place too. While dropping off the little man at football practice (had to drop my pants in the parking lot), at a Red Robin after dinner with friends, and I even taught my 13 year old how to administer them. She said she wants to become a midwife but after the sight of the needles she is slightly more apprehensive. I am so very proud of her though and I was amazed at the calm demeanor she maintained. Very professional. :) That girl is going to do great things one day!

I'm feeling quite like a used pin cushion these days. Ouch! My hips are starting to really not like the shots and the pain from them is really my only side effect during this process. Anyway, my shots are over in a few days (woo-hoo!) because embryo transfer was August 22. That was the most amazing and surreal experience ever! Watching a multi celled, live embryo with all it's cells rapidly forming go from a petri dish to uterus was so miraculous! After transfer there were a few days of bed rest and couch duty. Now I'm on light duty for the next few weeks as we play the waiting game. I think the worst part is not being able to exercise because I think the shots cause slight weight gain. Mix that with no exercise and presto, an extra 7 pounds. Just waiting for the all clear to start aqua aerobics and get back in the swing of things. We are now waiting to do blood tests to confirm the hcG levels and confirm a technical pregnancy. The exciting part!

So, this is where I'm at today! Waiting. Did I mention that I'm loving Orange Juice? Multiple pitchers over the last few days. Hmmm....it could be a sign. Trusting God for continued health throughout the next nine months. I'll keep you posted and I know more!

Let The Fun Begin!

Today is the first day of injections! I never thought I would ever have the guts to give myself a shot in the gut. So glad I can now check off, "Give myself an injection" off my bucket list. It was really high up there too! (NOT) I was very fortunate to have a friend to help me through it the first time. I got a call from the nurse to explain the how to's but I'm a visual / hands on learner. I was pretty nervous but my friend took charge and said this is what you do and I did it! Very grateful to her for holding my hand through it.

I got all my meds in the mail two days ago. Just in time too because I'm ever so patient and kept calling on Thursday to confirm the order. They had to overnight it because there is no Saturday delivery and I started on Sunday, today. What an overwhelming sight when I opened the box. I have everything needed to get me through to the transfer date. Meds include: Lupron (injectable), Doxycycline (antibiotic for me), Florajen (probiotic for me), Baby Aspirin, Cipro (antibiotic for hubby to make sure he doesn't pass anything to me if he gets sick), Estradiol Valerate (injectable), and Progesterone (injectable). To top it all off there are enough syringes for all meds to get me through to the transfer. I think the sight of the syringes is really what made me apprehensive. But I did it and that's all that matters! I'm ready for this!

And so begins the countdown to transfer...25 days left. It is incredible how much science goes into the creation of a life. It's mind blowing! I'm interested to see if I'm still this positive in a few weeks when the side effects start up. Fingers crossed they will be mild to none. And now that I've mastered the Lupron shot (after one shot I'm now a master?) I will have to conquer the next two. The needles are HUGE for those two! EEeeek! The hubby gets to administer those inter muscularly though. Yes, he is having a great sense of humor about this! Quite thrilled that he gets to stick me in my tuchus.

So now I am on the Lupron shot and the Pill until August 1st when it's just the Lupron shot. Blood test August 6th and then on the 9th I start all meds listed above except Progesterone and then another blood test August 14. Then I start Progesterone on August 17th. Phew, good thing I have a calendar that tells me what to take on each day! Otherwise I would be a little lost. Grateful to the team at ZFC. They are wonderful and so patient with the questions I have. I'll keep you posted on any side effects. Have a great week!

It's Official!

Well I finally got  the confirmation! I'm officially a surrogate.  The contract is signed and we are waiting for meds to ship.  What a crazy year plus it's been. Weight loss, background checks, medical screening, anticipation of meeting intended parents, and so much more. It's all so surreal! I'm still as excited about the process as the day this was set in motion.  My husband by my side the whole way.  I'm so lucky to have someone who supports my dreams and help make them a reality.  I know there will be sacrifices along the way but to be able to help make another family's dream a reality is so much more rewarding.  I hope that as this process unfolds and the community becomes more aware that they are supportive too.  (We live in a small town) I'm just not sure what the rumor mill will produce.  I'm sure some of it may be comical at least.  I know that surrogacy is not something everyone approves of which is ok,  but I hope the comments are respectful.  I know that my strength to go through this is only by the grace of God and not my own.   I feel like I've been given a great opportunity to bless a family.  While I may never understand the struggles of infertility I hope that others become aware and through this become more supportive of those wanting children of their own and avenue they pursue to achieve a family.  I'm exited for what the future holds. It's all in God's hand now... and the fertility doctor's!  :) Please ask questions but please be respectful. And sorry,  I will not be answering questions about the intended parents. 

Frequently Asked Questions:

Is this my egg?
No.  I'm just the gestational carrier (GC).  Another term is surrogate carrier (SC). Or as I prefer...extreem babysitter of sorts. 

Will I have a hard time giving the baby up?
No not really.  I will be curious to see the little person I've carried all those months but it's not my child so I think it will be easy.

Will I have to give up anything? Well yes but that's pretty normal for a pregnancy.  Healthy is my goal and I feel like I've been in training for a while now with weight loss.  I have been soda free for two plus years but I might miss the occasional cup of designer coffee.  :)

Is my family supportive?
The immediate family is supportive. This helps a lot. I'm grateful to them for understanding.  Not many of the extended family is aware yet.