Our little family had an amazing time with friends and family over the past several days. It started with a few fast hours together with my best friend in the whole wide world. I hadn't seen her in about 7 years. We only had a few hours together to catch up (sooo not long enough) but it was wonderful to see her! Then we drove to visit family. We haven't been out of town to visit them in over a year and a half. It was a wonderfully laid back weekend. I haven't had one of those in so long that I cant even remember the last time. Weather, food, and family could not have been more perfect. It was hard to say goodbye.
*Side note...Recently a friend of mine announced she had recently suffered a miscarriage. My heart was broken for her. I know they have been trying to conceive for many years now and this is not the first loss they have suffered. They would be the best parents ever, this I know. Then, while visiting family this past weekend I found out that a family member had also suffered miscarriage, her fourth. They have two children already but are wonderful parents and I feel they too have so much to offer to more children. So much sadness for them.
What I really feel is guilt. I have been blessed with two beautiful children. How is it that I have these two blessings and these other couples have known loss? I too suffered a miscarriage but it was between the two successful pregnancies. My husband and I were not really trying and didn't plan according to proper fertility cycles so when I miscarried it was due to improper implantation. Basically it didn't attach to my uterus very well during the right part of my cycle. I didn't go much more than eight weeks pregnant. I do know what these women have been through emotionally!
Over the past couple three years this issue of infertility amongst friends and family has been weighing heavy on my heart. I have wanted to do so much but have not known where to start or how to help. I had a conversation many years back with my friend and offered to carry her baby if I could. The thought shocked me as the words came out of my mouth. Would I really do that? It was more taboo several years ago but the thought has stayed with me.
About two years ago I started looking into surrogacy more seriously as a reality. Since being a surrogate for my friends/family hasn't been a feasible option, I've thought about pursuing this option outside my known circle of friends and family. With media influences such as Giuliana and Bill Rancic, Sara Jessica Parker, and Nicole Kidman just to name a few...the idea of surrogacy has been gaining a more positive view. I started researching the entire process of surrogacy. I've been very fortunate to have found a reputable nurse attorney who matches gestational carriers(GC) with intended parents(IP). Jackie Gorton nurse attorney has been an amazing guide through this process I've begun to enter into. Yes, I'm now in the process of becoming a surrogate! So exciting!
This has been an amazing journey of self discovery. I've become more healthy by loosing weight, eating right, and exercising. That part alone has been an empowering process. Since last October I've lost 43 pounds. Yeay me! Even if surrogacy doesn't ever happen, in the end I've discovered a new strength within. The lessons learned along the journey have been tremendous and am so content to discover who I am within.
Why surrogacy? Well, I still feel like I have the ability and desire to carry a pregnancy and thought that through this process I would be able to honor my friend and family member. I don't know how else to help them and sometimes feel that distance or silence is the only way not to remind them of their loss. I'm just not good with words directly. I always feel like I might say the wrong thing. If I am able to bring awareness to infertility through this process then maybe more people will be supportive and sensitive to those with the desire to care for children who are unable to conceive. I'm sharing my journey with those who may be interested in this process and to give hope to those unable to carry their own child. Know that there are those of us out there who would be willing to carry a child for you.
...what's next? Stay tuned to find out!
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